Just One Optimist, Forever

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Optimism, Even From Tragedy

When my friend Jack LoCicero asked me to comment about how I have coped with my brother, Douglas Gearald Basham's murder, April 1988, I was at first hesitant. As my thoughts have gone back and over the changes this has made in me and everyone in my family, actually there is much I could say. Early on, there were all the emotions, blaming myself, blaming God, thinking about the what if's. These things evolved for me into learning about ways to express my grief. One of the first life changing good things was becoming a part of Camp Carousel, a program sponsored by Winston Salem Hospice and started by Jack. Once involved I learned of creating a simple three ring binder about my brother's life, and I still to this day share that binder with others. I also learned about creating many other ways to remember and honor Doug's life. As time has gone on, I guess the most important coping skill I have gained is sharing my brother's story with others. I have had this opportunity, many, many times. And just as over time, the sad and negative thoughts do return, this ability to share has been very important in helping me to remember two things. The first is that we all have our own experiences, good and bad, and second that we are all here for each other. None of us know how or why things happen the way they do. And yet as we look back with perspective we can see how things fit together and make us who we are. I am very thankful for all the people, in my life who have contributed to me being who I am. My brother and his life and death being a very large part of that process.